I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
