i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
