Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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