you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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