Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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