I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
