You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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