wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
