they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
