Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm at about main and main street
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize