I just pynch a tree in the face
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
