Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
