I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
