She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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