I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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