Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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