I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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