why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
