Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
