I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
