you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
