dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
