just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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