And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
