I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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