so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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