Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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