took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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