yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Can't talk, ducks in the car
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
