its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
