So drunk, too bad you don't want this
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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