im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
sarcasm needs its own font
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
