So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
