wanna go halves on a baby?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My vagina is officially offended.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
