I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
cat food counts as protein by the way
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
