Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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