is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
