Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(323): View more from California

Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you

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(518): View more from New York

i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting

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(703): View more from Virginia

I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?

(571): View more from Virginia

Fuck you.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...

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(913): View more from Kansas

If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.

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(816): View more from Missouri

I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.

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(417): View more from Missouri

Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex

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(562): View more from California

You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls

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