dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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