We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
