You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize