tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
