I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
