never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
