i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
