Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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