Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
