Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
