Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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