There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
