I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
