U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
