It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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