I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Randomize
