I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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