fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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