You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
BRING THE BAGELS
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
