im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize