phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The beer is more important than you right now.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
