What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
