btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
