i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
