so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
