Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
